Connection with Your Spouse: Go Back to Basics

If you want your spouse to stay your spouse, you have to date them again. Yes, date—not out of obligation, but with real intention. Marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey that needs continuous care and nurturing. And to be honest, that’s what this blog is all about—being real and authentic. Because truthfully? Marriage is fucking hard sometimes.

Brody and I went through a ttoouuggghhh time in the summer. We were SO disconnected. After the last few years we’ve had … it made sense in a weird way. There were so many things we went through in a short amount of time. School, 3 new careers between the two of us, 2 surgeries, a huge loss of losing my mom, sold our apartment, bought a new home together, moved to a rural island, moved back, a new diagnosis for me for my health, 1 early miscarriage and continued struggle to get pregnant…Holy CRAP … that is A LOT, and writing that literally makes it hard for me to swallow. There were days we wondered if we could make it through to be honest. Unresolved things from the past kept resurfacing, the disconnect was REAL. *SIDENOTE* until you deal with past trauma *on your own* and unhealed wounds that you have possibly caused your spouse, those things will continue to show up, creating cracks in your connection, or foundation! Growth doesn’t happen until you both confront the hard stuff, together. Our counsellor has been a HUGE game changer in our marriage. James not only is SO real and authentic, but he is on our team. And you can feel that. Holding each of us accountable for our decisions, for our choices, and sometimes the gentle reminder that everything gets better with time. I remember one time I rolled my eyes, and he said “That’s ok if you don’t believe me right now.” But … truth is, it is getting better. So, I guess I owe him an apology on that one!

Marriage isn’t just about surviving the good times—it’s about choosing each other in the hard moments, too. It’s about being vulnerable enough to say, “I still choose you, even when it’s messy.” Because that’s the only way you grow in strength—by working through the tough times, and avoiding making the same choices in the future.

We have gone BACK to Basics!

When was the last time you held hands for no reason? Or kissed them just because? Those small, intimate moments are the foundation of connection. It’s not always about grand gestures or perfectly planned getaways (though those are nice, and I am VERY excited for Mexico in November). Sometimes, the key is as simple as:

• Holding hands on a walk around the block.
• Hugging in the elevator (if you have one), from floor to wherever you are going.
• Kissing them often—not just a quick peck, but the kind that makes them pause and smile.
• Eating dinner together without the TV on.
• Writing them a note and putting it in their lunch bag, in their car, or by their morning coffee.
• Saying “I love you” every single day, not out of habit, but with meaning.
• Coming up behind them and squeezing them.

It sounds simple because it is. It’s the same kind of effort you made when you were first falling in love—except now it’s about nurturing that love, keeping it alive through every stage of life.

Brody came up to me last night when I was cooking one of his favourite meals, and just started to hug me from behind, and then we started dancing for a minute or two … until I had to check the Chicken Picatta!

That moment, even though it was about two minutes … reminded me “Ahhh he still sees and knows what I love, and there was follow through on it!”

Date. Yes … Date!

Dating shouldn’t stop just because you’re married. In fact, it becomes more important over time. Plan dates like you did when you were getting to know each other—whether it’s a fancy night out, a cozy dinner at home, or an afternoon hike. Brody and I used to go deep into the forest with the dogs and walk, hold hands, and possibly a sneaky kiss! It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it’s intentional time focused on each other. Dating keeps the spark alive, reminds you of the fun you share, and gives you space to connect without distractions. These don’t need to be hours on end. In fact, if you try … you’ll probs fail!

Here’s the thing: Dates don’t have to be perfect, but they do have to happen. We’ve learned in counselling recently that if you wait for the “right time,” life will always get in the way. Make it a priority, put it on the calendar, and commit to showing up for each other. People can laugh, but it’s an essential part of marriage, and it often ends up on the back burner because life. So put it in the calendar, and don’t delete that ‘appointment’ for anything! (unless it’s life or death…)

Intimacy is about closeness, connection, and feeling seen. It’s cuddling on the couch after a long day, giving each other a back rub or a head rub in Brodys case 😉 You’re welcome btw … OR sneaking in some much-needed quiet moments together. (Babe, if you’re reading this, just go ahead and hit that Buy Now on the hot stones set, okay?)

Intimacy can also look like praying or meditating together if that’s your thing, expressing gratitude as a couple, working on a project you both care about, or dancing in the living room to your favourite playlist. The point is to reconnect, even when the world feels heavy. Relationships thrive in the little moments … so show up for each other in the ways that matter most.

Deepening Connection with {THE AND} Conversation card games by The Skin Deep.

If you’re looking for ways to open up deeper conversations, {THE AND} Conversation card games by The Skin Deep. are a great tool. These cards are designed to help couples connect on a more meaningful level, with thought-provoking questions that spark honest, vulnerable conversations. They go beyond surface-level shit, and give you a chance to reflect on your relationship, your needs, and your dreams together.

Using these cards on a date night can reignite emotional intimacy—because, let’s be honest, life doesn’t always leave space for those soul-level conversations. Whether you’re working through challenges or just wanting to feel closer, these cards can help you reconnect in ways that feel both natural and intentional.

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Keep Showing Up, Every Day

Love is a choice we make daily. It’s not always easy and some seasons will be harder than others, but staying connected through the small things makes the hard seasons more bearable. Hold hands. Kiss often. Look into each other’s eyes, not just in passing, but with intention. And, for the love of everything, date each other.

Marriage isn’t something you do once. It’s something you keep choosing, every day. If you want to keep your spouse, you have to show them—again and again—that you’d choose them all over again.