The holidays aren’t always the picture-perfect moments we see in movies. For many, it’s a season of grief, loneliness, or navigating tricky dynamics. For me, it’s the time of year when I miss my mom the most, where I don’t get to take our kid(s) to sit on Santa’s lap or send out family Christmas pictures (I mean maybe we can next year with our dogs!). It’s a season that Brody and I are constantly reminded that we don’t have kids. When I hear things like Christmas is for the kids … my heart can’t help but sink a little. Unpacking Christmas decorations this year, I found the baby gift we’d wrapped for our little “Goldie.” Last Christmas, I placed it under the tree, hoping the old wives’ tale would come true for 2024. But it didn’t. Finding it this year was a gut punch because I had forgotten about it until I opened that box. Brody came inside to find me crying, and I handed him the gift. He hugged me and said, “I know, love. I’m sorry.” Sometimes, nothing can fix the loneliness and grief of the season, and sometimes the best thing to say is “I know, I’m sorry”
This week, I found my mom’s handwritten recipe for her famous crab dip—a dish I hadn’t had since 2021.
I was so excited that I was going to make it this year. However … it ended with me crying in the grocery store when I couldn’t find the ingredients. (It was crab and stoned wheat thins. I couldn’t find the fucking crab or crackers, and that sent me into a total tailspin!) It was a different grocery store than I usually go to, I was already feeling all the emotions from life, and then I just started to get tears in my eyes, and out they came! #coolbeans … that was *not* on my long list of to do’s! I just wanted to make something that reminded me of her.
I find the holidays have a way of magnifying the hard parts: missing loved ones, longing for what we don’t have, trying to find the gratitude in the things we do, feeling like a failure when you financially cannot buy the dream gifts for your family that you know would make them so happy, or feeling overwhelmed by expectations all around you.
And yet, even amidst the grief, there are glimmers of magic. Twinkling lights, making Christmas Crack with one of my best friends, hot chocolate and Christmas light drives with my love, or cozy nights by the tree—these little moments make the season special and a little less … gut punchy!
But sometimes, like tonight, I want to skip Christmas altogether. I called Brody, ready to take down the tree and to just say “forget it, I’m not participating in anything Holiday related things. I miss my mom. I miss how magical she’d make it.” He said, “I understand. You’re allowed to feel this way. I miss her too. Let’s spend the next few days doing what we love. I am off for 5 days.” So, for the next few days off, between prepping for Christmas dinner, and holiday parties, will be Christmas movies, drives, a double date with our good friends going to the Christmas Market, and time for just US. (If I write it I manifest it right?)
If you haven’t heard about the Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory … stop reading my blog, and head to hers, you’ll get a lot more out of her page than mine lol! But, the “Let Them” theory is a reminder that you’re not responsible for managing others’ emotions. Let them be late, opt out, change plans, or get upset. Give yourself permission to say “no”. Let them be upset. The more you let other people be, the better your holidays will be. The Let them theory, does not give people a free pass to be rude, disrespectful, or an asshole. If that is happening … let them, and walk away, *YOU* get to choose who gets a seat at your table, and who doesn’t. Let them be who they are and choose peace for yourself. By saying “because I don’t want to”, is an extremely valid reason for not doing something. Let them be upset. It’s also super weird to say at first because most people don’t get that authenticity from adults and will be shocked. But that is something we can learn from Children. They are honest, and authentic, and brave enough to be like “yaaa noooo I don’t want to do that!”
It’s okay to feel joy and sadness in the same season. It’s okay to set boundaries and protect your energy. And for those of us missing someone, the holidays don’t have to be about “moving on.” They can be about remembering, honouring, and finding comfort in making new traditions and memories.
Let this holiday season be what it needs to be for you. Grace, patience, and the permission to just be are the best gifts we can give ourselves.
Wishing you all the magic of the season—whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or simply soaking in the cozy vibes of December. Let’s wrap up this year with gratitude, kindness, and a little sparkle. Here’s to joy, love, and everything that makes your heart feel full.
*UPDATE: THEY FREAKING DISCONTINUED STONED WHEAT CRACKERS!!!
What in the world …
