Too Much Yet Not Enough … How Complicated!

Being married to someone with anxiety isn’t easy. My partner didn’t exactly sign up for the constant need for reassurance, the endless overthinking, or the spiral of “What did I do wrong?” that can ignite over a single unread text, or being late from work. And yet, here we are.

I’ve always felt like I am too much — too anxious, too needy, too overthinking every little thing. The kind of person who apologizes for apologizing. When I am in an anxiety spiral … my brain likes to remind me, on repeat, that I’m a burden, that I am too much, even when the people I love most reassure me I’m not. And yet, as “too much” as I feel, there’s another voice whispering (ok yelling at me!) that I’m not enough. Not strong enough, not calm enough, not thin enough, not lovable enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not enough…I could go on, but I’ll quit before I start to sound like even more of a basket case! How fucked up is that? I feel like I am too much, and not enough – all in the same breath. What a complicated little pickle I have myself in.

Anxiety tells me to double-text because they didn’t reply fast enough.
Overthinking says I must’ve said something wrong, replaying conversations like a broken record.
Neediness keeps me desperate for reassurance, while shame reminds me, I shouldn’t need it so much.

And then there’s the voice—the one that whispers that even my best will fall short. That no matter how much I do, how hard I try, or how deeply I love, it will never be enough, or too much. I’ve been told I go 0-100 and there is no in between. I don’t know what a solid 50 would look like to be honest! I wish I did.

But maybe that’s the point I keep missing.

Maybe I’m not too much, and I’m not exactly not enough. Does that even make sense? I’m just me. And yes, that me comes with a side of chaos and existential dread. But it also comes with a heart of gold — one that loves deeply, feels everything, and tries every damn day to be better. The kind of heart that will give the shirt off my back and show up for people, even when I have nothing left, just so they’ll never feel alone.

I’m working on embracing a “screw it” mentality, but damn, it’s hard. Yes, I’m too much. Yes, I need constant reassurance that I’m loved, worthy of love, and that you’re not going anywhere. My love language is Words of Affirmation but then a close second is Acts of Service so this actually … kinda adds up! It’s hard to stand in my ‘owning it’ era when you are told or the butt of some jokes … but I am giving it another shot!

So … if you’re reading this and thinking, God, I feel this in my bones, let me remind you: You’re not too much, and you’re not, not enough. You’re just human. Messy, complicated, and deeply feeling. And you deserve someone who sees you—all of you—and chooses you. That’s what I’m holding onto anyway. That, and the belief that healing (if possible) the self doubt of unworthiness, is still possible, even when the road feels like it is full of potholes, and you are dropping in each one.

Let’s give ourselves a little grace to be both a work in progress and worthy as we are. Because maybe—we were never too much or not enough for this world. Maybe we are exactly what it needed!