Being married to someone with anxiety isnât easy. My partner didnât exactly sign up for the constant need for reassurance, the endless overthinking, or the spiral of âWhat did I do wrong?â that can ignite over a single unread text, or being late from work. And yet, here we are.
Iâve always felt like I am too much â too anxious, too needy, too overthinking every little thing. The kind of person who apologizes for apologizing. When I am in an anxiety spiral ⌠my brain likes to remind me, on repeat, that Iâm a burden, that I am too much, even when the people I love most reassure me Iâm not. And yet, as âtoo muchâ as I feel, thereâs another voice whispering (ok yelling at me!) that Iâm not enough. Not strong enough, not calm enough, not thin enough, not lovable enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not enough…I could go on, but I’ll quit before I start to sound like even more of a basket case! How fucked up is that? I feel like I am too much, and not enough â all in the same breath. What a complicated little pickle I have myself in.
Anxiety tells me to double-text because they didnât reply fast enough.
Overthinking says I mustâve said something wrong, replaying conversations like a broken record.
Neediness keeps me desperate for reassurance, while shame reminds me, I shouldnât need it so much.
And then thereâs the voice, you know the one I’m talking about, it’s the one that whispers that even my best will *not* be good enough. That no matter how much I do, how hard I try, or how deeply I love, it will never be enough, or too much. I’ve been told I go 0-100 and there is no in between. I don’t know what a solid 50 would look like to be honest! I wish I did, and I think so does my husband.
But maybe thatâs the point I keep missing.
Maybe Iâm not too much, and Iâm not exactly not enough. Does that even make sense? Iâm just me. And yes, that me comes with a side of chaos and existential dread. But it also comes with a heart of gold … the type that loves deeply, feels everything, and tries every damn day to be better. The kind of heart that will give the shirt off my back and show up for people, even when I have nothing left, just so theyâll never feel alone.
Iâm working on embracing a âscrew itâ mentality, but damn, itâs hard. Yes, Iâm too much. Yes, I need constant reassurance that Iâm loved, worthy of love, and that youâre not going anywhere. My love language is Words of Affirmation but then a close second is Acts of Service so this actually … kinda adds up!
So … if youâre reading this and thinking, God, I feel this in my bones, let me remind you: Youâre not too much, and youâre not, *not* enough. Youâre just human. Messy, complicated, and deeply feeling. And you deserve someone who sees you, all of you, and chooses you. Thatâs what Iâm holding onto anyway. That, and the belief that healing (if possible) the self doubt of unworthiness, is still possible, even when the road feels like it is full of potholes, and you are dropping in each one.
Letâs give ourselves a little grace to be both a work in progress and worthy as we are. Because maybeâwe were never too much or not enough for this world. Maybe we are exactly what it needed!
